i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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