If that was your dad, he is hot
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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