please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize