Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
