So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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