I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She announced her abortion via fbk
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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