then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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