I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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