It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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