Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize