YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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