So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
