I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
