I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
