$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Randomize
