You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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