his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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