Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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