I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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