My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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