I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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