the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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