I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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