Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
