Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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