a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
