i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
