I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
