the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
