'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
