So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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