My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
