I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
