I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
