I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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