i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
false alarm, still single
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