I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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