she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
