it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
