ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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