Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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