I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
