but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
