Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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