theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
