so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
