remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I want to make a zoo with you.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
