is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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