my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
