She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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