just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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