I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
