Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
