ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
