my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
