does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
