goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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