Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
