My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
