I seem to have left my pride at pride
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
