Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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