Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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