A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
