Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
