connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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