Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
