You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
