I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
