so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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