i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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