you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
