You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
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