I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
