we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
