fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
