is your mom at the bar?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
