I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
