Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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