For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
